Only so much

As the day begins..
i am overwhelemed
by the darkness of all nights
since when i know time

and i fight to redeem
the pain of my karma
pinching me deep
the wounds that have been
burnt over and over again
only hurt so more..

but i try to overcome
the shame of eternity
and bring my head up
and put my back into

and overcome i do
my cumulative fear of all yesterdays
and i return
as an equal
as a today
walking along time itself
for a moment i am
one with thee

hungry for more
i'm quick to negotiate
a peice of tomorrow
another promise
paid in today


but
there's only so much good i can do
for again
it's time to consume

every now and then
i need to consume


it goes fast
instant nirvana a routine
and it leaves behind
a familiar emptiness

the same question
the same answer
that i cease to understand
or agree

and i feel like an animal
slave to my urges
with fits of manlike ecstasies
served with delusions of control

and i return to instincts
my default state
a stranger in the world of man
a stranger to myself

and there's only so much good i can do
for every now and then
i need to consume